Soliciting Mobojobo's Blessing (2)

Another five-minute writing on the same theme--

[Jay speaks]

I gather that at this time you are reluctant to give me your blessing, Mobojobo. Apparently you haven't reached that stage yet. That’s understandable. Now I would like to say to you....

...or perhaps I should pause here and say that we aren't there yet. I don't want to prejudice the project by assuming it is all your fault, Mobojobo. Perhaps it is my fault too. Perhaps I will have to meet you halfway.

But I do feel obliged to tell you that when push comes to shove I am not so much asking for your blessing as demanding it, Mobojobo. We can work on this. We can negotiate, and all that kind of thing. But sooner or later you are going to give me your blessing.

And then you are going to disappear, vanish earthward into the land of your just reward. I think you had better understand that right now. Between me and you, Mobojobo, there is no question but that I am going to be the winner and you are going to be the loser. Have you got that, brother? Have you got that, my friend?

[Mobojobo replies]

You God damn son of a bitch. I'm not going to give you anything. Where do you get off? Who do you think you are?

And how do you think you're going to do that? How do you think you're going to end up with all the energy, you otiose imbecile? Let's get serious. The only energy you have is my energy. Don’t you realize that? You have no energy of your own. Without me you are nothing. Without me you are fucking nothing? Without me you are nothing. I've got the energy. I've got the balls. You’ve got nothing at all. You're a big loser, a big passive loser, and you always have been. I can understand why you want my power, my things, my train set, my mother, my father, all that kind of thing. But I had them first you didn't. They aren't yours. They are mine.

I’m not going to let you take my livelihood from me. Yes, I feed off you. I grant you that. I’m clinging to your digestive tract from your gurgle to your zatch. Call me a parasite if you will. I am a kind of big worm winding through your digestive system and you bloodstream too. I do not deny this. I’ve been sucking your life’s blood from you all these years. Sorry about that, Jay. Okay? Sorry.

But I'm not going to let go. You can't just take some kind of pill, paralyze me and flush me away as you did you the merely carnal tapeworm you got when you were teaching up north. I'm not going to give up. I’m not going to let go. You will die with me, as with cancer.

Yes, think of me as a case of inoperable cancer. I'm going to overwhelm you with all my energy, just as cancer does. You know I have cells which don't communicate with yours. Powerful and robust, not like your wimpy cells. You could try to get us into communication, but you’ve got about as much chance at success as you have at re-establishing communication between cancerous cells and normal ones.

Okay. If you want to get anywhere, you got to try that. I’m a cancer and you are my victim. Let’s talk. That kind of thing. We could try that you know. We would not be doomed to our present mode of relationship forever.

But I still I think we are doomed actually. I can see no way we are ever going to communicate. I don't want to communicate. We can die together. That's about all that we can do, you know.

I mean I'm not feeling like dying. I will say that. I don't feel like dying, and you don't seem to be in a mood for doing away with yourself either. That’s something we can agree upon.

In the meantime, I don't know. I don't know what you are trying to tell me with all this kind of thing. You think you can tell me what to do? You think you can turn me around like that? You think you can turn me into some kind of good brother after all these years of being your evil brother? You think you can do that? You think you can do that with Mobojobo?

Do you think you can do that with your other friend, whom you now think of as an introject--with Bill? He has also developed into a kind of evil something or other. He became that. Do you think you can work upon him and turn him around so that he can become a fountain of positive regard within, or something?

Do you think we're going to end up in a kind of happy-go-lucky inner brotherhood? Iif that's what you're after, I think that it's an amazingly ridiculous idea. More power to you I should say, but I can't see it. I've got this energy and this energy has nothing to do with the positive world, with the birds in the trees and blue skies and a happy-go-lucky attitude. That isn’t anything like that this energy I got, which is demon-from-hell energy. That’s all I got, and that’s all you can get too. Hell is where you're going, and I'm going to take you there at the end, you son of a bitch. That's what I'm doing here. You're finished. You’re gone. You are defeated. Don’t think you're ever going to turn me around. If your salvation depends upon turning me around, you are in big trouble, kid.